Near to the Wild Heart by Clarice Lispector

Author:Clarice Lispector [Lispector, Clarice]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2010-11-01T16:00:00+00:00

Under the Teacher's Protection

Joana remembered it well: days before getting married she had gone to see her teacher.

She had suddenly felt the need to meet him, to listen to him, unyielding and cold, before going away. For in a sense, she had the impression of betraying her entire past by marrying. She wanted to see her teacher again, to feel his support. And when the idea occurred to her of paying a visit, she had calmed down, feeling relieved.

He would have to give her the right word. What word? Nothing, she replied to herself mysteriously, wishing with sudden faith and expectation, to wait and listen to him, completely inexperienced, without having any idea of what she was about to gain. This had happened to her once before: when she had prepared herself for a visit to the circus as a little girl. The best moments had been spent getting ready. And when she approached the broad field where the huge, round tent loomed white, like one of those silver domes that conceal until a certain moment the best dish on the table, when she approached holding the maid's hand, she felt fear and anguish and a disquieting happiness in her heart, she wanted to go back, to escape. When the maid told her: your father has given us money to buy popcorn, then Joana looked at things in wonderment, under that sunny evening sky, as if they were hallucinating.

She knew that the teacher had become ill, that his wife had abandoned him. But although he had aged, she found him stouter and bright-eyed. She had also been afraid, to begin with, that their last dinner together, when she had fled in alarm towards puberty, might make the visit awkward, leave them feeling uneasy, in that same strange, creepy room where the dust had overcome the polish.

The teacher had received her with a serene, distracted air. With those dark circles under his eyes he reminded her of an old-fashioned portrait. He questioned Joana but the moment she tried to answer he stopped listening, as if no longer under any obligation. She interrupted herself a number of times, her attention directed at the clock and the small table with the medicines. She looked all around her and the semi-darkness was humid and stifling. The teacher was like a great tom-cat reigning supreme in a cellar.

— Now you can open the windows, he said. You know what I mean, a little darkness and then plenty of fresh air; your whole body benefits, receives a new lease of life. Just like a neglected child. When it receives everything, it suddenly reacts, blooms again, sometimes even more than the other children.

Joana had flung the windows and doors wide open and the cold air entered with a triumphant blast. A little sunshine came through the door behind him. The teacher had unbuttoned the collar of his pyjama jacket, exposing his chest to the wind.

— It's like this, he had declared.

Looking at him, Joana discovered that he

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